To Make a Man
by Defender of the Dogma
Summary: When Captain Kirk is given the choice between killing Spock to bring his brother Sam back from the dead, or leaving things the way they are, what will he choose? What should he choose? And how can he ever know the answer? Not in any way gory or violent; no zombies or whatnot. Totally clean: all my stories are. No slash.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

The mission was over. Successful. The Pharinesians were grateful, and had offered a great reward. Whatever it was, it was sure to be wonderful. Jim had rescued their Princess, and that granted him the greatest honor the Pharinesians could give. Considering Pharinesians were probably the most technologically advanced species known to man, this was pretty amazing. Spock had accompanied his captain to the Pharinesian chamber room, as he was the only other surviving member of the landing party. Well, Bones had survived. But he was unconscious in sick bay. Nothing serious, but it'd keep him knocked out a few days. Anyway, Jim knew the Spock was highly curious about what could happen, the possible scientific aspects of this were incredible. They entered the chambers, and were faced with the Pharinesians high council.

"Captain." The leader of the council, Polyaakir spoke. "We have studied your files extensively, and have decided on what we feel to be a suitable reward. You had a brother, did you not?" Jim felt his throat close. This was a strange reward, pulling up such hard memories.

"Yes. His name was Sam. Unfortunately he was killed a while back."

"We know." The Pharinesian sounded excited. "Family is very important to Pharinesians, we would offer you your brother back." Jim's jaw dropped. What? How? Sam was dead. He couldn't come back! Could he?

"I… don't understand."

"It is very simple. We can reach back in time, and save your brother from the parasite."

"Just like… that?"

"Almost. The time flow would be to drastically altered to simply do that; someone must still die. Since your brother succumbed to the parasite, another victim of the parasite, one who lived, would have to die. However, that person would have to be present for this, for the replacement to be possible." Jim nearly choked. The only living victim of the parasite that was anywhere near here was were offering him back Sam… but it would kill Spock.

"W-what… wouldn't that cause time paradoxes?"

"No, we'd simply give you another gift the next time around, not a time travel one, to be sure, but a wonderful one. Also, this is done very carefully. No time paradoxes. We have this perfectly perfectly perfected. Do you accept?"

"I-I don't know. Can I have time to think it over?"

"Very well. That is quite acceptable; such things should not be taken lightly. You have 1 day, till exactly midday." Jim nodded mutely, and flipped open his communicator.

"Beam us up Scotty."

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Jim walked through the pristine halls of the _Enterprise_ as fast as he could without running, Spock close behind.

"Captain, you must be aware that the logical decision…"

"I don't care, Spock! I'm not sentencing you to death!"

"Logic would dictate…"

"I said I don't care! I won't kill you! Just… just leave! I need to think." JIm put on an extra burst of speed, and Spock allowed himself to fall behind, he would talk to Jim later.

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Jim stormed into his room, and threw himself onto his bed. Some gift this was! He couldn't kill Spock… but Sam was his brother. And… and his little nephew. Could he really leave him an orphan? But Spock was his best friend. What would life be without him? There was no answer to Jim's quandary. Clenching his teeth and pushing his fists against his face, he wished he'd been given anything but this.

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Spock walked into his room, and seated himself at his computer, beginning to file out some routine reports about the mission. The answer to Jim's dilemma was simple. Spock must die, and Jim would have his brother restored to him. This was a favorable way to die. Jim would be surrounded by his friends, even his brother, to help him through any fleeting feeling of grief he may have. Surely there would not be much, anyway. It was not conceivable that Jim could feel deeply for him. He was a Vulcan, and an unsuitable companion for any human, particularly one as emotional as Jim. The choice was obvious. Spock was a hybrid, rejected by his own people, virtually friendless, while Sam had a son, brother, family. Spock was worthless, Sam had a reason to live. No, the choice was obvious. Spock would have to die, that Sam would live.

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Jim stared out the viewport out at the endless territory of space. He hadn't been able to sleep at all, and wished to avoid any contact with anyone. So obviously Spock chose this time to walk up behind him.

"Captain, I do not understand the purpose of delaying the inevitable. It is not logical."

"If by inevitable you mean your death, then you're wrong. I can't kill you."

"My death _is_ inevitable, captain. I simply ask you to bring it a somewhat sooner."

"Sam is already dead!" There was silence.

Then Spock's voice, gently. "Not really, captain. Not in the sense you speak of. In regards to the possibility of life, we are even. You could say that we are now both alive, and you must choose which of us to save."

"You mean which to kill."

"It is the same thing, captain."

"Look, if it's a choice of who to save, you're in my crew, I'm responsible for your safety."

"You know those rules do not apply here, captain. The wording of the manual obviously does not place such rules into this situation. In regards to morality, though, Sam is an innocent civilian, and you are sworn to save him."

"NO! Spock I can't choose. I can't. I can't. Please. I can't." Jim swung around, as though to hit Spock, but simply rested against the man, fists clenched into helpless fists, head resting against Spock's chest. "I can't." Spock looked compassionately down at Jim, and his fingers faltered. He didn't know how to comfort humans, how to deal with this. Acting on instinct, he wrapped his arms around Jim's shaking body, gently holding the man close.

"You do not need to chose. I can for you."

"I can't let you. I can't let you die. I need you."

"Does not Sam's son need him more?"

"I… I don't know."

"He does." Spock supplied gently. "He needs a father. Someone to look up to. Someone he can have as a role model. Only you can give that back to him."

"But… but you'll die."

"Perhaps that shall be doing me a favor. I have… never had a friend before you, Jim." Jim's eyes widened. How was that possible. How could someone as kind, as compassionate, as intelligent, as _amazing_ as Spock never have had a friend before?

"Once you die, I will be alone. Alone for approximately 150 years. I have always feared life after your death, Jim. You possess the capability to spare me from that. Please, Jim. Do not make me live knowing I stole your brother, and that I shall be alone for so long. Please. I beg you." Jim sobbed, tears soaking Spock's uniform.

"No… I don't want to lose you." Spock's fingers began to move in calming circles over Jim's back.

"I do not wish to lose you either, Jim. Would you force me to? Is it not common in friendship that one party sacrifices for the other?" Spock could no longer deny that Jim felt nothing for him. This was… beyond anything he had ever imagined. So much more than he deserved. It was only too bad that he would die before realizing Jim felt this way for him.

"Yes. Yes. I… I don't…"

"Promise me, Jim. Promise me you will not leave me alone. Promise me you will bring your brother back." Jim couldn't seem to stop crying.

"I… I… I… I prom… I prom…" He couldn't finish. How could he do that? How could he _do this_ to his friend, his brother? And yet, Spock had asked for it. How could Jim condemn Spock to such a life, a life consumed with loneliness? If this was what Spock wanted, shouldn't he give it to him? Shouldn't he? It was the right thing to do… right? Spock's fingers were gentle against his skin, sure to be soothing at any other time, only tearing his heart out now. He wouldn't even remember this later. He wouldn't remember Spock's confession, the pain racked heart he had so trustingly revealed. He would only know that Spock was dead, killed on a mission, and nothing could bring him back.

"I don't want to hurt you." He whispered brokenly. "But I don't want to kill you either. Maybe… just let me think about it? Please?" Spock nodded. He considered Jim's condition. It was illogical to allow him to return unaided to his quarters in this state. He would have to accompany him.

"I shall escort you to your quarters." Spock murmured gently. Jim nodded, and leaned further inside Spock's body. Spock walked the broken captain back to his quarters, then turned to leave. It took all Jim had in him not to hold on to the man, and never let go

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Jim walked out the door, and Spock was waiting for him. But there was also a calmness because he had made his choice.

"You have made you choice, captain?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

"I think you'll be staying around." Spock gave a start of surprise.

'Why, captain? I have no family, and I will be alone for most of my life save me?"

"You may not have a blood family anymore, but you have us. The _Enterprise_. Promise. And maybe you'll outlive me by 150 years, but I bet you'll have someone else by then. And anyway, if you keep following me around, there's a pretty good chance you'll die anyway, given some of the crazy things I do. I mean, really. If you're in such a hurry to die, you should argue with me less. And Spock… Sam is gone. It wasn't my fault that he died, I know that now. But if I kill you, that _will_ be my fault. You'll be dead because of me. And I can't take that. I won't kill you, Spock. You are a brother to me. And you always will be." Spock's eyes widened.

"Captain, you must be mistaken. I do not deserve…"

"That's not true, stop telling yourself that. That's an order. Now all we've got to do is tell The Council our decision."

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Jim and Spock walked through the council doors once more.

"You have made your decision?" Polyaakir asked.

"Yes." Jim said emphatically. "Thank you for your offer, but I don't think I want to sacrifice Spock for that." Polyaakir smiled.

"Then you have your gift. Peace." And Jim realized he was right. Sam wasn't his fault. Spock was truly his brother, and he knew he would be brought closer to the Vulcan that ever before.


End file.
